FreePorned

See the top porn sites for 2023, carefully researched by the discerning experts at freeporned.com.

Only the best porn sites are listed on the top page, but there are a few that deserve a special mention but have yet to earn a red carpet spot.

Congratulations, you fucking betas. You guys are on the right track to making a great porn site. Don't waste your time trying to bribe me with dick pics or welfare checks or thinking that money will change my mind. I may be as powerful as Trump in the adult industry, but don't make me look like a money-grubbing Melania. If you are a female webmaster, feel free to contact me and see if my cup D sized tits and wet pussy will make me weak.

Damn, I liken this to a cuckold scene where the black master eats his master's cream after he has finished fucking his wife's anus bareback. He's the kind of loser who willingly begs and licks the leftovers even though he knows he doesn't want to, because he can't get any better than this anyway. What does a true alpha's slutty seconds taste like, bitch? You want more, you no-good bitch.

Is this porn site still worth checking out? I don't want to waste my time, I just want to watch good porn.

Most of you sociopaths will fuck anything with a hole in it and have already downloaded the porn hubs to your hard drives. You have nothing else to do and you're probably wondering what's on the internet. It might be nice to get out once in a while, but can you imagine the horror of running into a live woman? No, I don't. I'd rather stay in the basement protected by my mom. I don't want to lose my virginity to a bunch of beastly feminists.

Let's look at what happened to poor 24-year-old Andrew when he celebrated his birthday at a strip club in Arkansas. His friends set up a "go-fund-me" page for this shy guy to lose his virginity and barely made the $20 needed to hire a local black crack whore, aka porn star "Jasmine". Whether he didn't have the money to buy condoms or if horny Andrew was stupid, the mullet boy was forced to go full bareback. We can't blame this obese boy. Because this was probably his first encounter with the opposite sex, and his mother probably did not teach him about the birds and the bees.

His "friends" called a reporter from the Clinton News Network (CNN) to document this spectacular event. I mean, one could report daily on the "how to make a sandwich" adventures of the bitch in Bill Clinton's kitchen, but who would be interested other than her support group, the vegan feminists? The public has elected a pussy thief. Pornography. Reporter interviews the "happy" couple. This boy may be excited to pop his cherry, but we think he's a McDonald's addict. Seriously, this son of a bitch could be the poster child for Big Mac's latest commercial. Jasmine is too busy chewing gum to pay attention to this nonsense. She is probably thinking about how much crack she can buy with the $20 she just earned. Anyway, they get naked on stage and Andrew gets peed on for the first time in his life. I feel like I'm watching a freak show and am distracted by his boobs, which look bigger than Jasmine's silicone hooters.

I don't want to ruin the best moment of my life with premature ejaculation. Jasmine rams her pussy into his dick and rides the fucker until he shoots his load into her tits. The crowd goes wild, people start crying, and applause echoes throughout the strip club. Trump wins the presidency from feminist cult leader "Hillary Clinton" and America is free again. Anyway, if you are like me and can only be satisfied with the best, get away from this "garbage" now. Don't say I didn't warn you. The content on these websites may be fappable, but you may be bombarded with excessive (malware) ads and video players streaming sex movies in slideshows that stutter every 5 seconds, slower than your grandma's 56K internet in the 90s! You might be bombarded by video players that stream sex movies in stuttering 5-second slideshows slower than your 90s grandma's 56K Internet. You may be bombarded by video players streaming sex movies with slideshows that stutter every 5 seconds, slower than Grandma's 56K Internet in the 90's. You might be assaulted by a video player streaming sex movies in a slideshow that stutters every five seconds, slower than Grandma's 56K Internet in the 90s. You may be assaulted by a video player that streams sex movies in a slideshow that stutters every 5 seconds, slower than your grandma's 56K internet in the 90's. Do you like fapping? Do you like closing the pop-up window every time you refresh the page? Do you want to see a website that doesn't work properly and is uglier than Kim Kardashian's skin? Fuck you.

What other porn listings do you have?

Oh, you noticed the cheap knockoffs that try to emulate my success. There is a Dutch proverb that says, "The wind blows well in tall trees." I'm flattered, but it's like having a cockroach show up every time. So much so that this nasty bug loves (my) shit and produces nothing but shit again. Lacking creativity and originality, they never cease to amaze me with their mastery of Chinese copy-and-paste technology.