XHamster Incest

Here's a secret: Incest/step porn is fucking hot. What the fuck was that? "Eww, PornDude...... It's fucking sickening; "I wonder if he telepathically heard someone say that. Since I'm feeling generous today, I'll share one of my classic anecdotes to help you see things from my perspective. I'm sure if you read this little tale, you'll agree that I get an automatic boner every time I hear my stepbrothers talk about incest/step-porn.

Lil Pedro didn't think so.

When PornDude was still in college when he was still ThePornYoungAdult, a Brazilian exchange student we called Lil' Pedro (because he was also a dwarf) was staying with a host family. That host family was not just a host family, they were very rich. And not just rich, the father and mother were married when the children were in their first year of college. The mother had a 19-year-old daughter and the father had a 20-year-old son who was still alive and going to college with everyone else.

But there was always something strange about the step-siblings. They were close, but there was a bit too much going on. Hugging was frequent, and my buddy Jimmy the Legs swore he saw them making out in the bleachers at the football stadium as if they were in an 80's movie. He was the kind of guy who would watch "Pretty in Pink" on repeat, so I just assumed he was thinking of Molly Ringwald (he always was, and dressed like her).

Until Lil Pedro told me that he drilled into their room and watched them have sex every night. And every morning. And every evening at dusk, sometimes late into the night. Lil even said that sometimes she would rush home at noon to watch him put his balls deep inside her.

And then it hit me. I said, "So Lil says you can fuck her any time you want." He nodded and said, "I fuck her about 10 times a day. And she was so hot. Lil Pedro ended up blackmailing them into a threesome, and he got caught and deported, but my point is, incest porn is great because you have a sexy step-sibling living under the same roof, always ready to fuck, and that's your dream, right?

What's your point?

Well, let's cut the bullshit and dive into it. xHamster's incest/step section is something you can experience firsthand, but it's either worth your time or you need to be content with nutting my Lil' Pedro stories (and really, why would you want to cum at the thought of a Brazilian dwarf with an acorn for a penis anyway).

Any idiot can navigate xHamster.

One of the first things I noticed when checking out incest/step porn on xHamster was how clean the user interface (UI) was. xHamster's UI made those Reddit faggots look like they had a cutting edge interface. I remember when xHamster's UI made Reddit faggots look like they had a cutting edge interface. Those days are over, it doesn't look like it was coded by a fat ass greasy old man like it did in the early 10's and before, and it's easier than ever to find what you want to see, it's approaching Pornhub's standards, and that's something to be proud of.

I wasn't choked up by the ads on xHamster Premium Gold.

Pornhub is notorious for its Pornhub Premium ads, but that's not the case at all with xHamster. There is a Premium tab directly on the home page, and that is practically the only ad about this service. I don't despise it, so thank you for not shoving it in my face, xHamster.

While writing this, I was pulling incest/step porn and noticed that you can narrow down the incest/step porn category. For example, if I type in "step" I can narrow it down to only videos featuring Asians. Too bad I can't narrow it down any further, but it's still a nice feature that I don't see on my porn site. It's better than nothing, though.

xHamster knows that you sneak out of bed at 1 am to masturbate.

Another thing I haven't seen on other porn sites is the light/dark mode on the home page. This is also offered on the desktop, because they fully understand that you will be cumming late into the night. In other words, you won't go blind watching your hot stepbrothers have sex, and your religious aunt won't whine, "See, I told you that you would go blind if you gave in to the devil's temptations. Then they have to say, "That's because I didn't put you in dark mode." People get confused because "dark mode" sounds like a metaphor for "sin mode." Dark mode is a good move on xHamster's part because it avoids such conversations altogether.

xHamster also knows that you masturbate in the bathroom.

But who really watches porn on their desktop? Boomers. Yes, I guess that's about it. A porn site is not a porn site if the mobile side doesn't respond snappily. I remember how outrageous it used to be to navigate videos from mobile with xHamster, but those days are over. I would type in "hot stepbrothers fuck like wildcats" and within 10 seconds I was into a video that excited me so hard that I splashed all over the gas station bathroom mirror and had to blame the attendant for my ghost ectoplasm. If you can cream discreetly on a gas station restroom mirror in a mobile that fast, you can bet your crusty fat ass you can do it.

What's with the auto-playing thumbnails?

Viewing incest/step porn on xHamster is not perfect. One of the things that really pissed me off was seeing videos autoplay on my desktop. Why is this a popular trend and why in the name of Lucifer can't this be turned off? Because when you hover your mouse over the thumbnail, it messes up and ruins the video. This happens on the mobile side as well, but fortunately all I saw was a slideshow of images, not videos. Still annoying, but at least it doesn't use up unnecessary bandwidth on my data plan (Pornhub folks, please fix this shit).

No incest/step-porn category.

Another thing that pissed me off was the lack of an incest/step-porn category. how many categories does xHamster have? There could be hundreds. But there are no options for the most popular types of pornography on the web. I don't think they are afraid that the politically correct curmudgeons at Google will hurt them financially by lowering their rankings. Is that why it's now inconvenient to search for incest/step porn by category? C'mon XHamster, grow some balls.

Incest/step porn might make your penis fall off

If you want to talk about something that is worse and more revolting than politically correct, pussy vegan bullshit, take a look at xHamster's incest/step erotica. I'm all for variety, and indeed a feature that many porn sites don't offer... What a surprise. Imagine being in an introductory creative writing class with a bunch of middle-aged housewives who have been married for 10 years, and being told a poem called "The Leaves Were in the Shape of Anxiety" or a short story called "The Little Boy Who Lost His Shoes" or what I like to call "The Littleest Asshole". Multiply that by a hundred and you can see how much cringe-worthy stuff there is here. I would post excerpts, but I don't want to be responsible for making your eyes bleed like the menstruation the barren housewives no longer have.

What do you mean you can't combine categories?

There is no option to combine categories. xHamster only allows you to search one main category at a time, even though it is perfectly possible to add categories to your search query. This is a completely pointless and stupid move, and they should be ashamed of their missed opportunity. xHamster could spend a little premium gold and add the option to combine multiple categories at once.

xHamster isn't perfect, but it's pretty good.

xHamster isn't perfect when you want to get excited about incest/step porn, but it's hard to find a free tube site that's as quick and responsive. xHamster knows why you're there and wants to make your browsing experience as pleasant as convenience. By adding a light and dark mode to the desktop and mobile versions of the homepage, you know that these guys know that you want to jump in, jerk off, and go back to bed before anyone knows where you've been or what you're doing. It could be better, but if this is a sign of things to come for xHamster, then war elephants like Pornhub better watch out.